If you haven’t seen the G-Star Raw Presents: Afrojack Capsule Collection video, drop what ever you are doing right now and go watch it. This video is probably the most unintentionally hilarious piece of transparently awful marketing I’ve seen a good minute.

Honestly, I can’t get enough. I’ve watched this video twenty times and every play through yields more and more comedic gold. The problem here isn’t Afrojack, G-star Raw or their underwhelming clothing collaboration, it’s the god awful attempt at projecting a ‘baller’ image.

From the get go, it’s wildly obvious that this video takes itself so seriously it’s physically painful. Cue the dark, edgy filters, because color is for people who aren’t superstar DJs with their own clothing line; seriously though, actual lighting and color are as present in this video as taste – pretty much non existent.

The first shot of Afrojack in an elevator screams, “LOOK HOW IMPORTANT AND BOSS THIS GUY IS”, because as we all know no one gets into an elevator with out a place to be and important people always have places to be. Hell he’s even going up, because that’s what bossmen do, go right to the top; this clothing line is for people who go up on elevators, not down to their shitty corner office in the basement.

Also, in case you missed it, Afrojack isn’t just a DJ, he’s also a world renowned fashion designer. Do you see him thinking deeply about the design? Drawing it out? Holy hell he’s even slaving over the fabric choice! I can just imagine him sending the first ten runs of 99% cotton blends back: “I said 96.4% Indonesian cotton fabric blended with 3.6% gold dipped silk! SEND IT BACK! Only the finest of fabrics will grace my fans’ shoulders.”

Some very obvious shots of measuring tapes and fabric scream that Afrojack is hard at work in the sweatshop, slaving away over his own line, personally pinning and stitching every last shirt. At least that’s what the video is trying to say. On closer review, what the hell is Nick actually designing? No seriously, is he just doodling?

He’s actually improving Da Vinci’s flying machine.


…or not


He even has the attention to detail to make sure his hats fit both forwards and backwards, which is of course the biggest flaw in the circular design of the modern baseball cap; it must be incredibly difficult to make a circle maintain its shape in all directions. It’s really inspiring to see that sort of attention to detail lest the hat have some sort of catastrophic structural failure when it’s worn according to its purpose.

The video then takes its sweet time showing Nick’s more photogenic side and intense piercing gazes. You can tell that this is a man who is determined to look damn good in front of a camera. I get what you’re going for, I do, but the whole tycoon thing is seriously played out. Sure everyone wants to be Diddy and have their own platinum records, champagne brand, and luxury car trim package but this comes off more Zoolander than mogul.

Get lost in the Afrojack


In fact, the entire video is trying to play up a vinyl pressed design that in my personal experience takes roughly twenty minutes between design and production. Trust me, I lived with people who made a living on making this exact sort of product. The clothing line isn’t that bad, save for the jeans that make it look like you’ve forgotten the basic concept of a toilet and have opted to repeatedly shit your own pants. But for godssake no one is fooled into believing that Afrojack personally designed, stitched, and modeled this entire line. Other than the use of Bangduck for the soundtrack, this video is everything that Afrojack probably isn’t.

I would have been happy to see a 30 second clip of Afrojack DJing in front of a huge crowd in his own apparel because that would make sense. That’s what Afrojack does. I could have saved tons of time and money shooting a slow-mo video of people having a good time to Bangduck hell, we could even use the same awful filters and strip out all of the colors, because you know… DJ fashion is serious business.