In a recent feature on Beatport, Feed Me, being the epic troll that he is, used a random number generator to pick out songs from the Beatport Top 100 to give his two cents on and the results proved to be quite hilarious. Here are a few of my favorite excerpts:

Marcel and Stefano clearly want you to know that their remix is in G Major because they hit it using a loud stab noise approximately 144 times in the buildup

It has that slightly pretentious level of restraint that makes a good deep-house tune somewhat timeless, leaving me with a sudden desire to iron a shirt and hit the town.

This one shuffles around well enough, and there’s a bass noise that starts off sounding like when you poke a cat that doesn’t like you and then evolves into a sound that somewhat resembles a tiny plane diving.

Can’t really generate any other feelings, except for pointing out that if these are all their real names, they’re all much cooler than mine

I think it’s pretty awesome that Beatport let this piece fly since it’s definitely taking a stab at the quality of their charts, which is something that always seems to be up for debate; it’s definitely nice to see they’re down for some lighthearted mockery. Make sure you check out the whole piece HERE.