Like a dog which will keep crawling back to it’s owner, clubbers will enjoy themselves regardless of what they’ll know will happen to them the next day. Hangovers are inevitable and they are awful. It’s a vicious cycle: You drink because you were unhappy and then you’re unhappy because you drank. Now, the day becomes one long arduous drag until 3 o’clock where the suffering becomes slightly less unbearable and you regret chucking your McDonalds away because you felt too ill to eat. Cue one secret pact to yourself: I will never drink again. Which lasts for an insignificant amount of time.

But as always, the key is preparation and knowledge. Luck favours the prepared, and if you fail to prepare, then you should prepare to get f*cked up. Fortunately, a J.Cotton has compiled a list that’s 100% medically-inaccurate and 100% pop-science. Consider this list, a means of softening the blow of post-alcohol and ‘chemical’ consumption.

It’s up to you to discover whether they work or not:


If you’ve ever woken up with sore muscles after dancing and prancing and neuromancing, it’s probably because your body ran out of salt. Electrolytes are essential for the firing of neurons that release serotonin, and for the muscular exertion that we all know is unavoidable once those salacious neurotransmitters flood the synaptic cleft. Electrolytes are also in charge of regulating your body’s water supply and can prevent over-hydration. You’re likely to find Gatorade, coconut water, or some salty snacks in the backpack of any sensible raver.

This is true. Here in the UK and Ireland we enjoy nothing more than a good old-fashioned fry up. Sausages, bacon, fried tomatoes… Anything to prolong that headache. Also you’ve already shortened your life-span by pumping your body with alcohol and chemicals, why stop with sodium and cholesterol?


Research indicates that the main source of MDMA-related neurotoxicity (and thus, next-day depression) stems from the depletion of serotonin (5-HT) and the subsequent degeneration of 5-HT terminals. 5-HT is synthesized in the body from its precursors, L-tryptophan and 5-hydroxytryptophan, which can both be purchased at your local GNC. By taking 5-HTP before dosing and upon waking up the next morning—insuring that your body has the means to produce more 5-HT—the risk of depletion is significantly curbed. L-tryptophan can be taken when you’re ready for bed as a sleep-aid and a serotonin replenisher. Many people have reported that taking 5-HTP keeps them from getting as high as they normally do, so you might want to experiment with intervals and dosages. Or you might simply accept that if you want to go up, you’ll have to come down eventually. Bummer, I know.

… I think you’re gonna have to take his word on this one.

Vitamin C

5-HT neurotoxicity is thought to involve “oxidative stress resulting from an increased generation of free radicals and diminished antioxidant capacity of the brain” (Shankaran, 2001). By pre-loading with vitamin C, we can replenish the brain’s supply of antioxidants.

Well this is obviously a win-win situation. You could decrease the effects of a hangover and get your 5-a-day. Fantastic!


Lots of people on the forums think that L-tyrosine, a precursor to dopamine, helps to keep dopamine from being depleted, but this one’s bunk because MDMA doesn’t deplete our dopamine supply. MDMA actually increases the amount of Tyrosine in the brain. This actually seems to be the cause of serotonin depletion—so taking this supplement can exacerbate the neurotoxic effects. This according to the Journal of Neuroscience.

Er… Yip, you’ve heard the man. Just don’t do it.

Alternate Nostril Breathing

This yogic breathing exercise is a catch-all remedy for headaches, depression, and the like. It engages the third eye, which corresponds in yogic anatomy to the pineal gland, a main serotonin center in the brain and the seat of dreams and psychic vision.

1. To light up this center, first put a dab of Vicks or tiger balm on the third eye point, which rests right between the eyebrows.
2. Next, make the hand into a kind of pincher by placing the middle and index finger on the heel of the palm.
3. Close off the right nostril with the thumb, inhale, and imagine the air you’re breathing in through the left nostril is going from the tip of your nose straight into the third eye point between the eyebrows.
4. Hold the breath for as long or short as you see fit and then release the right nostril and close the left with your ring and pinky finger. Exhale, feeling the breath move from the third eye point to the tip of the nose.
5. Reverse this process, inhaling in through the right, and exhaling through the left. Repeat for however long.

I recommend practicing this whenever you feel like it, but especially at peak times. We become lucid and intuitive in our bodies when we roll, so it’s a really great time to learn new things about them. If you find a groove in this breath, you’ll be able to come back to it during your suicidal Sunday.

No, have you seen me on the ‘suicidal Sunday’? I’m likely to close my nostrils and never open them again. Plus I hate the smell of Vicks. (PSA: Never rub Vicks on your Third Eye. This is a bad idea.)

Deep Sleep

The hours we spend in the deepest levels of sleep are the most recuperative for our brains. It’s in this downtime that our brains are able to contend with the excess free radicals and toxic metabolites produced by PLUR debauching. The obvious problem here is that excessive partying can make it hard to fall asleep at all, much less fall into a deep sleep.

When you’re ready to go to sleep, instead of smoking weed, which will only re-initiate your trip and maybe put a psychedelic spin on the whole experience, prepare this “Go to Bed, Fuckboy” tea:

1 teaspoon passion flower
1 teaspoon skullcap
1/2 teaspoon California poppy
1/2 teaspoon powdered Valerian root (buy valerian root and grind it into a fine powder in a clean coffee grinder)
Steep for ten minutes in boiling water.

If I’m ever in a state where I could concoct this crazy concoction, then I probably won’t be getting a hangover anyway. Plus when I am two shakes of ending up in the gutter, I usually conk out the moment my head hits something soft.

So there you have it folks, 6 tried and tested methods of beating those post-rave blues. I won’t be trying anyway, I have my own peer-reviewed method of getting rid of the blues. By peer-reviewed, I just mean myself. So try these methods and don’t complain if these junk scientific, hippy one stop wonders don’t work.