When Madonna took the stage at UMF 2012 and infamously (and obnoxiously) asked the crowd if they had “seen molly”, she unknowingly influenced an entire field of impressionable, brainless, idiots. I’m not talking about the crowd, I’m talking of course about the vast majority of journalists and media men currently working for local news channels.

I thought maybe all of this Molly hoopla would have wound down by now, but apparently I was mistaken. A friend sent me a link to what I would consider in the top 10 worst examples of investigative journalism that I have ever stomached. The brain trust over at LA based KTTV Fox 11 put together a brain murdering 3 minute video on the deadly dangers that this “new drug” Molly poses to its young users.

The amount of times the phrase “popped a molly” was used in that video alone should already point to the laughably pathetic understanding of their subject the Fox 11 crew had. What’s more is that their panel of experts consists of mainly blurry faced tween girls and a DEA agent. I don’t know who is less credible, Little Raver Sally or the people who still consider weed to be in the same category of drugs as heroin.

I have to give the Fox 11 crew credit though. They did a fantastic job of appealing directly to parent’s primal fear that something will happen to their precious little kids if they get let off the leash. Seriously though, I think they used the word death or die seventy different times. Take molly, you’re gonna die. Pop a molly, you’re gonna die. Repeat it after me.


Perhaps, I would have given them a little more credit if they had in anyway attempted to provide academically and clinically verified information or medically relevant information to inform the public and thus reduce harm. Instead they chose the most out of touch, fear-mongering, sensationalistic piece of s*** they could do with a time restraint of two hours and a budget of fifteen bucks.

To add the cherry on top, I took 30 seconds out of my day too look up some verified and credible research on MDMA. According to a Harvard study MDMA doesn’t cause brain damage and likely doesn’t harm cognitive ability. Now, I’m not promoting drug use, but I do believe it’s an individual’s freedom to put whatever craziness they want into their body. That being said, I also believe in educating people about potential dangers and harm reduction. So to try and do some good today, I’ll leave you with my patented 4 step approach to avoid dying while rolling.

Brett’s 4 Step Program To Not Dying On Molly, Woo.

  1. Molly is a diuretic, it makes you sweat and piss, woo. Drink plenty of water but don’t over do it, too much water can actually kill the crap out of you.
  2. Rest, just because you want to dance all night doesn’t mean you should. Pace yourself.
  3. Test kits are the only way to have half an idea of what you are about to ingest, use them.
  4. Don’t be an idiot, watch your friends, if anyone is acting like they need medical care, they need medical care. That also goes for you, if you think you need a doctor, you do.
  5. This one is a bonus rule, cool people say no asking crowds at Ultra “have you seen molly?”