Sometimes we get sent press releases that seem way too good to be true, especially once you actually read them. We received a press brief not too long ago with the tantalizing subject of “Have Paris DJ Your NYE Party”, which immediately sent my brain a quiver. Secretly I was hoping that Hilton would be holding a contest to determine where the billionaire heiress would spin on New Years Eve; sort of like that contest that sent Pitbull to play a show at a Walmart in the middle of nowhere, Alaska (now you probably see where I’m going with this).

Secretly, my hope was some sort of combined effort by the EDM community to send Ms. Hilton to a remote Antarctic research base to bring in the New Year. Unfortunately, this is not the case. What could have been a brilliant, amazing thing, instead turns out to be a simple playlist. Which I guess is kind of like having Paris Hilton DJ in your living room, except that iTunes is way more likely to actually nail the transitions.

Yep, so in another bit of “why do my bosses do this to me” news, let’s see what Hilton has in store for your swagtastic NYE 2013…

“Ring in 2014 with Paris Hilton” – Track Listing:

  1. Good Time – Paris Hilton – Good Time
  2. Clarity – ZEDD – Clarity
  3. Pursuit Of Happiness (Extended Steve Aoki Remix) – Kid Cudi – Pursuit Of Happiness
  4. GO (Peace Treaty Remix) – Diplo & Oliver Twizt – GO
  5. Safe And Sound (Cash Cash Remix) – Capital Cities – Safe And Sound Remix EP
  6. Midnight City (Eric Prydz Private Remix) – M83 – Midnight City (Eric Prydz Private Remix)
  7. Years – Alesso – Years
  8. If I Lose Myself (Alesso vs OneRepublic) – OneRepublic, Alesso – If I Lose Myself (Alesso vs OneRepublic)
  9. Kick Out The Epic Motherf**ker – Dada Life – Kick Out The Epic Motherf**ker
  10. Alive (Hardwell Remix) – Krewella – Alive
  11. Don’t Stop ‘Til You Get Enough – Michael Jackson – Number Ones
  12. Billie Jean – Michael Jackson – Number Ones
  13. Eat Sleep Rave Repeat (Calvin Harris Remix Edit) – Fatboy Slim, Riva Starr – Eat Sleep Rave Repeat
  14. I Love It (feat. Charli XCX) [Cobra Starship Remix] (feat. Charli XCX) – Icona Pop – I Love It (Remixes Pt. 2)
  15. Ode To Oi – TJR – Ode To Oi
  16. Alive (David Guetta Remix) – Empire Of The Sun – Alive (Remixes)
  17. Animals – Martin Garrix – Animals
  18. Holy Grail – Jay Z – Magna Carta… Holy Grail
  19. Rattle – Bingo Players – Rattle

I’ve gotta legitimate question though… Don’t get me wrong, I love the Bingo Players and Rattle is one of my all time favorites, but why does Paris have it in literally everything I’ve seen her do? And why is Animals repeated twice? Is it that good, or did Martin Garrix release an Animals album that I somehow managed to miss? Anyways if you really feel so inclined, you can actually listen to the playlist below, it’s at least guaranteed to nail the song to song transitions with a tolerable silence in between.