After one of the previous Jai Wolf vs Ghastly Twitter battles, someone requested that a fan fic be made of the two of them – Josh Pan obliged in the most glorious way imaginable.
Now, with another Jai Wolf vs Ghastly Twitter battle behind us, and even though no one asked for it this time, Josh Pan has once again given the world another literary masterpiece, involving pretty much everyone from the most recent argument, as well as AWE.
The plot this time around revolves loosely around Death Note (referred to as the EDM Bible in this story), and a panel on racism suggested by Hotel Garuda. Beyond that, from the interactions between DJs like Luca Lush and Oshi, to the inclusion of Skrillex, Elon Musk, and a hybrid Diplo/_Diplo_ mechbot… that’s anyone’s guess.
Get started below!
he opened the door to the hotel room.
it was a long flight – flying to asia from LA. he sat down on the bed and took off his cowboy hat.
— 🥀 (@joshpan) September 26, 2017
he was tired of all the arguing going on in the world. the difference b/t arguing & conversing is that when we argue, we tend not to listen.
— 🥀 (@joshpan) September 26, 2017
he opened his suitcase & took out three things: a comb, a 20 gauge shotty & a bible. it was not a normal bible. the cover read – edm bible.
— 🥀 (@joshpan) September 26, 2017
he opened the book & flipped to page 33. the page was blank.
he took a pen and started writing a name – DJ tiesto.
tiesto died that night
— 🥀 (@joshpan) September 26, 2017
some people say tiesto died in the early 2000’s and nobody noticed, but this was the real tiesto.
whoever holds the edm bible decides.
— 🥀 (@joshpan) September 26, 2017
we think that life is full of coincidences and that things just happen.
there’s only one thing that trumps free will – and that is desire.
— 🥀 (@joshpan) September 26, 2017
we held a panel – to discuss racism/systemic racism/prejudice.
hotel garuda allowed us to use their conference room in their hotel.
— 🥀 (@joshpan) September 26, 2017
the key to change/compromise is the will to understand each other, if the goal is to understand & truly discuss rather than taking shots.
— 🥀 (@joshpan) September 26, 2017
i find myself getting angry at the way people say things. i nitpick & try to twist words. i feel like we all do this now, to some degree.
— 🥀 (@joshpan) September 26, 2017
the hotel started shaking. the group of dj’s, music industry folk & dj thots started screaming.
was this rocket man? or the big earthquake?
— 🥀 (@joshpan) September 26, 2017
atrak grabbed the mic.
“nobody panic. i know it hasn’t stopped shaking but we’re gonn-”
suddenly his head exploded.
y2k screamed.
— 🥀 (@joshpan) September 26, 2017
suddenly, the tv turned white.
we hear a screech and we notice that a tesla pulled into the conference hall.
skrillex & elon get out.
— 🥀 (@joshpan) September 26, 2017
“guys, we don’t have much time.” skrill says, nearly out of breath. “north korea & china on the way.”
elon: come into my hole. i bore it.
— 🥀 (@joshpan) September 26, 2017
elon continued: the only problem is that we only have enough room for 8 artists from each of the following genres – trap, house, bass.
— 🥀 (@joshpan) September 26, 2017
luca lush raised his hand.
elon: yes, luca? if you’re inquiring about other genres, they all die. the future has no room for future bass.
— 🥀 (@joshpan) September 26, 2017
all the dj’s start yelling. ray volpe & wavedash start running towards the hole, but are disintegrated by elon’s ray gun.
klint screams.
— 🥀 (@joshpan) September 26, 2017
skrillex: everyone – we will figure it out. there are 24 slots for dj’s but each one has a +2 for mgmt & a special guest.
everyone sighs.
— 🥀 (@joshpan) September 26, 2017
elon continues: technically, i consider dubstep to be bass. ray & wavedash would still be alive if they hadn’t run ahead prematurely. lol.
— 🥀 (@joshpan) September 26, 2017
little did all the dj’s know, 80% of ppl outside the hotel were dead.
downtown los angeles had been nuked & only a few locations were safe
— 🥀 (@joshpan) September 26, 2017
oshi raised his hand.
skrill: yes josh?
josh pan: i didn’t say anything.
end of story.
— 🥀 (@joshpan) September 26, 2017
suddenly, moe stands up.
“were’t we going to have a discussion and livestream it? it’s not like the rest of the world is nuked.”
— 🥀 (@joshpan) September 26, 2017
hotel garuda: you’re right. let’s first have this discussion before deciding who gets to survive this whole nuke thing in elon’s hole.
— 🥀 (@joshpan) September 26, 2017
moe: everyone sit down. ghasty and jai wolf stand up. take turns and pick your teams. you will have 10 people on each side.
dances: 6.
— 🥀 (@joshpan) September 26, 2017
dances: how you expect 10 people to discuss with each other without someone goin to prison?
moe: okay. 6 each. hotel & i will moderate.
— 🥀 (@joshpan) September 26, 2017
suddenly, the room starts shaking again. a red light fills the room as we hear a guitar riff layered with the words “gimme some room, gimm-“
— 🥀 (@joshpan) September 26, 2017
a huge mechbot/transformer type jawn stumbles into the room.
all the dj’s gasp as they see who is at the helm.
diplo? or _diplo_????
— 🥀 (@joshpan) September 26, 2017
it was both of them. james vanderbeek & diplo were fused into one meat body with 2 heads protruding, lodged in the center of the mech suit.
— 🥀 (@joshpan) September 26, 2017
diplo/_diplo_: we invented edm. we can end it. china/n.k hit us up a few days ago. guess who has an exclusive post-apocalyptic record deal?
— 🥀 (@joshpan) September 26, 2017
the room full of djs boiled with rage as they realized who sold them out. someone from mad decent must have planned this all. diplo himself?
— 🥀 (@joshpan) September 26, 2017
josh whispers to oshi: i know how we can kill diplo and get out of here. together. all of us.
oshi: how?
josh: just trust me. watch.
— 🥀 (@joshpan) September 26, 2017
josh never planned on dying for edm. hell, he wasn’t even planning on making another electronic song. he wanted to have a wife & a child.
— 🥀 (@joshpan) September 26, 2017
meanwhile, all the other djs started running towards diplo with knives supplied by the hotel. diplo/_diplo_ mechbot crushed them 1 by 1.
— 🥀 (@joshpan) September 26, 2017
josh: stop this!! don’t you see what you’re doing??
diplo paused, holding kittens in one claw and crushing AWE in the other.
he laughs.
— 🥀 (@joshpan) September 26, 2017
diplo: i am ending edm.
josh: how can you end edm when edm is all you have? your new ep confused alot of people, dip. you can’t blame them.
— 🥀 (@joshpan) September 26, 2017
diplo dropped awe & kittens, lost in deep thought.
he missed jack ü. he missed playing small dark backrooms in clubs. he starts to cry.
— 🥀 (@joshpan) September 26, 2017
we hear an engine revving.
everyone’s eyes shoot to the tesla. it is directly behind diplo, 30 yards away with ghastly & jai wolf inside.
— 🥀 (@joshpan) September 26, 2017
going from 0-80 in 2 seconds, the tesla races towards diplo, crushing a few future bass djs & launching up into the core of the mechbot.
— 🥀 (@joshpan) September 26, 2017
nobody expected the tesla to have that sort of vertical jump.
nobody was suprised tho – it was elon’s tesla & obviously stacked.
— 🥀 (@joshpan) September 26, 2017
everyone screams as the tesla & mechbot both explode & go up in flames. a few future bass djs run around on fire before falling to the floor
— 🥀 (@joshpan) September 26, 2017
hotel staff run in & extinguish everything, covering the entire room with white foam.
medasin, covered in cream, attempts to leave the room
— 🥀 (@joshpan) September 26, 2017
oshi: hold up. where do you think you’re going? technically, you make future bass.
manitee & deffie run after medasin, dragging him back.
— 🥀 (@joshpan) September 26, 2017
at this point, josh has had enough & is back in his hotel room upstairs. he takes out the edm bible.
is edm over? does he need to end it?
— 🥀 (@joshpan) September 26, 2017
josh picks up a pen. as he begins to write down the names of all the edm record labels & collectives, he tears the page out.
he cries.
— 🥀 (@joshpan) September 26, 2017
the image of jai & ghastly plunging the tesla into diplo’s mechsuit. the image of sacrifice. the image of banding together to fight hate.
— 🥀 (@joshpan) September 26, 2017
that is what we need to remember. we all want the same thing.
we all want to write a number one hit. and we can do it together! everyone!
— 🥀 (@joshpan) September 26, 2017
josh runs downstairs with the bible in his hand. he throws it into the trash compactor in the hallway & pulls open the conference room door.
— 🥀 (@joshpan) September 26, 2017
blood is everywhere- bodies piled up all over the entire room.
josh realizes that ripping out a page only works in death note.
the end.
— 🥀 (@joshpan) September 26, 2017